This painting needs to be mulled over for awhile

I think most artists get to the midpoint of a work in progress and find themselves thinking; what they hell am I doing. The painting I am working on now is a little diversion from what I've been doing for the last year or so. This piece is looking formal, more design than scawly, scribbley. Its making me nervous, but I know that the pay off could be big in the long run. So, I will stick with it and see what I end up with.

I've been in an email conversation with Mark Flowers about the hum and drum of being an artist who finds himself having to "work" for a living. I used to be embarrased that I had to have a job for my living. Like I was not realy an artist unless I made my living by art. I believe that most artists either have to work a job to support themselves or they have to forgo the luxuries, say 3 sqaure meals and haircut, and live hand to mouth begging for loose change as they go. I tried that lifestyle for about six months five years ago and it made me to nervous knowing that bills were emanent and money was never a sure thing. Now I work eight hours a day so that I can work three more in my studio, and I sleep like a baby knowing that my ten year old 14" Magnavox television will not be reposessed.

Shannon and I have similar mood cycles. Whenever I finish a project or she starts a new cycle of birth control we turn into weepy bitter suicidal grump monsters. The worst part about it is that neither of us recognize it in ourselves, we can only see the problem in the other person. But if I were to say, "You're only weepy because of birth control" or if she were to say, "You only wish you were dead because you finished a big project and have just been sitting around wasting good art hours" I don't think it would be taken very well.

I finished my commissions, I bought some wood to make stretchers, and then I just goofed off during the holidays. For the last week I have been 50% more grumpy than usual. In the middle of some blog entry about how I am all out of sorts due to something or something else, I realized why I am really grumpy and wish for death to come quickly and take me to a better place...I need a new project.